Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: Don Nelson, drunk, New Year's Eve
Rhymin & Stealin and Don Nelson wish all of you a safe, happy and drunk New Year’s!
photo from Takin Out Larry’s and Drunk Athlete.
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: All-Star Game, highlights, lowlights, Steve Nash, Vote for Steve Nash, voting
Some NBA players feel they have to pimp themselves out to make an all-star game, posturing for votes and cluttering the Internet with videos, websites and tweets begging people to vote them in to the season’s biggest exhibition game. Steve Nash, as usual, has decided to take a different approach. Instead of compiling clips of his various highlights (of which their are many), Steve went with some low-lights, using his self-deprecating humour to poke a little fun at all-star grandstanding.
Love the clip at the end, with him getting dunked on by Kobe repeatedly. How many NBA players would post a similar highlight on their own site? Not many. Nash is the truth.
Filed under: Television | Tags: 100 Greatest Quotes, Baltimore, Best TV Show of the Decade, David Simon, The Wire
The ’00s had some great TV shows (Mad Men, Sopranos, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm to name a few), but for me one show stood head and shoulders above them all. HBO’s The Wire, which was created by former Baltimore police reporter David Simon, took an in-depth and true-to-life look at the inner city struggle of one of America’s most notorious cities, Baltimore, Maryland. With hyper-realism, an unbelievable job of casting and some of the best writing television has ever seen, The Wire became an instant cult favourite. Anyone who has watched all 5 seasons knows it is all that is good when it comes to TV. For those that slept, use some of those Christmas dollars to pick up the entire series on DVD for only $150.
As Senator Clay Davis would say, “Sheeeeeit“.
Filed under: NBA, Sports | Tags: Carl Landry, Dirk Nowitzki, lost teeth, NBA, toughness, wacky injuries
In tonight’s Mavs-Rockets game, Dirk Nowitzki took it hard to the rim and his elbow spanked Carl Landry in the grill. Landry went down with 5 lost teeth and one of those teeth was embedded in Dirk’s elbow! Dirk had a foul shot to take, so naturally he knocked it down – left handed. He left the game after and the Mavs lost in OT. Here’s an update on Landry and his missing chiclets. Dirk got 3 stitches and a $1 from the tooth fairy.
Filed under: NBA, Sports | Tags: advice, basketball, blocks, Dr. James Naismith, Dwight Howard, time machine
The R&S sleuths have made a startling discovery and intercepted a letter from the long deceased Dr. James Naismith, inventor of basketball, addressed to the man-child Dwight Howard. I guess Doc Naismith hooked up with Doc Brown and his Delorean, because he came to the present time, dissected Dwight’s game and then decided to share his opinion on how Dwight could change his defensive style and revolutionize basketball in the process. Here’s the letter from Naismith to Superman 2.0:
Dear Master Dwight Howard,
Today, as I was perusing the daily sports newsreel, I came across a collection of highlights which bamboozled my Basket Ball intellect. These highlights I speak of showed you aggressively and wantonly swatting opposing field goal attempts into the realm of the paying spectators. While physically impressive, I fear it to be cruelly misconstrued.
You may be aware that I invented the game of Basket Ball using very modest means in a mere 14 days. And while I know that my game has evolved over the years to include such unbridled displays of athleticism as the alley-opp, no-look pass and cross-over dribble, I am troubled by your consistent desire to squander your physical gifts and reward the opposing team every time you block their wayward attempts at the goal. After careful contemplation over a mug of sarsaparilla, I believe I have just the tonic to cure your malady.
The next time a panicked opponent fails to acknowledge your presence in the painted area and attempts an ill-advised shot, you should leap to the heavens as is your custom and clutch said shot attempt with both hands, therefore retaining possession for your team and more appropriately punishing your opponent. Think of the rewards for you and your fellow teammates if you gained possession of the ball from every such instance. You may reference the great Bill Russell of the Boston Celtics basketball club for copious examples of this stratagem, as he was a master of this defensive mastery for which you have all the physical tools to equal and surpass.
I would wish you to have the satisfaction of becoming the most imposing force in the glorious history of my favorite past-time and therefore have decided to share my insight with you in this formal manner. I marvel at the power of your still burgeoning skills and only wish that you reach your potential while helping to transform the way defense is played in modern Basket Ball. Please consider my modest advice.
Yours respectfully,
Dr. James Naismith
Filed under: NFL, Sports | Tags: accident, Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals, dead, NFL, R.I.P.
It’s a sad day in the world of sports, specifically the NFL. The worst fears of the Cincinnati Bengals and the family of Chris Henry have been realized. The Bengals wide receiver passed away this morning as a result of the serious head trauma he suffered in yesterday’s tragic truck accident.
While Chris Henry was most known for some brushes with the law and incurring the wrath of Commissioner Goodell in his younger days, he had made remarkable progress and appeared to be living a far more productive and positive life.
Henry’s NFL legacy includes 119 career catches and 21 touchdowns.
R.I.P.
Filed under: Comedy, Gear, Images, Sports | Tags: fad, fashion show, retro, slideshow, terrible fashion, workout pants, zebra print, Zubaz
Seriously, with hipsters rocking fanny packs, wolf t-shirts, skinny jeans and frogskins, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if I see a hipster bike past me this spring on a 10 speed rocking some Zubaz. Believe it… one of the late ’80s – early ’90s most reviled fashion fads is back. I would have preferred a return of the half-hoop shoe, half-light brite LA Gear’s, but Zubaz will do.
Most famous for a brief stint as officially licensed NFL gear and being the favourite pants of the Legion of Doom, Zubaz were started in the Midwestern US in the late ’80s. Originally intended for gym monkeys who needed maximum crotch room and no doubt inspired by MC Hammer, the distinct Zubaz pattern became a beacon for low-enders everywhere. And just like herpes, they have returned.
If you want, you can buy your Zubaz straight from the source at Zubaz.com. But before you go ahead and decide to ruin somebody’s Christmas, watch this Zubaz fashion show.
Filed under: Movies | Tags: 007, action star, Filipino, primordial dwarf, rap, Secret Agent, Weng Weng
Standing only 2′9″, Weng Weng was a Filipino movie star in the early ’80s. Born in 1957 as Ernesto de la Cruz, Weng Weng was a primordial dwarf. In fact, he is the shortest actor to ever hold the lead role in a major film. Due to Weng Weng’s unique stature he became a sort of minor celebrity and often hung out at the Presidential Palace with the Marcos family. He was actually named as an honorary Filipino Secret Agent, and this real-life event inspired his most famous role as Agent 00 in 1981’s “For Y’ur Height Only”.
“For Y’ur Height Only” was an obvious James Bond parody and is one of the most popular Filipino movie exports ever. Unfortunately, it was also the apex of Weng Weng’s career, and he only acted in a few more movies before his life began to spiral out of control. After a period of hard times and heavy drinking, Weng Weng died at age 35 of a heart attack. He remains one of the most popular Filipino exports (besides dried mango slices and Manny Pacquiao). He is probably the greatest “little person” actor ever. Seriously, has anyone heard a Mini-Me rap as good as this?
Filed under: Athletes F'ing Up, Comedy, Music, Sports | Tags: cheater, funny, remix, slow jams, Tiger Woods, voice mail
Hahahaha. This remix is up there with the David After Dentist remix and Bill O’Reilly remix. Let the torrent of Tiger Woods parodies continue indefinitely.
Thanks to Lauren G for the hookup.
Filed under: Comedy, Kicks, NBA, Sports, Television | Tags: commercials, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, MVP, MVPuppets, Nike, We're back
Nike has brought back their hilarious Kobe and Lebron puppets, no doubt dreaming of a Cavs-Lakers Finals that would cause Phil Knight’s head to explode.
“I got two words for you: King of the Jungle.”
And for those scoring at home, Kobe is leading the MVP race this year, looking to reclaim it from LBJ. If Kobe keeps hitting insane buzzer beaters and Lebron keeps losing to the Grizz, the Black Mamba will be adding to his trophy case this offseason.
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: broken kneecap, cornrows, Greg Oden, injury, Shane Battier, weird head
I was hit with an instant bout of serendipity this morning as I was reading more about the unfortunate injury to Portland Trail Blazers big man Bill Walton, Sam Bowie, Greg Oden. I noticed that one particular picture of a downed Oden appeared to show his kneecap in complete collapse mode, resembling a moon crater. The voyeur in me decided to zoom in for a closer look when I was met with a secondary discovery of mildly epic proportions. Greg Oden might be the only NBA player with built-in cornrows.
Look at the top of his dome, it looks part Shar Pei, part Klingon. This phenomenon has occurred before, with Shane Battier and Al Harrington being two prime examples. But they have nothing on Oden. He has supreme definition and maximum length, making his natural cornrows the envy of every Allen Iverson, Latrell Sprewell and Brad Miller wanna-be in the NBA.
If I was Greg and I was looking at another six to eight months of rehab, I’d contemplate growing out a little ‘fro before someone comes around looking to make a topographic map of my head.
Can’t basketball fans in the Pacific Northwest catch a break? Oden down for the year and Kevin Durant playing like an MVP for the Zombie Sonics. Double gut punch.
Filed under: Boxing, MLB, NBA, NCAA, NFL, NHL, Sports | Tags: Antonio Gates, best athlete, Bo Jackson, bo knows, Dave Winfield, Deion Sanders, Jackie Robinson, Jim Brown, Jim Thorpe, Lionel Conacher, Macho Man, Multi-sport, Randy Poffo, Randy Savage, Roy Jones Jr., Two-sport
10) “Macho Man” Randy Savage - Wrestling/Baseball
Including the Macho King on this list is admittedly a stretch. Maybe I put too much stock in his six WWF/WCW Titles, hundreds of Flying Elbow Drops, The Mega Powers and incredible Slim Jim commercials? Maybe Bill Goldberg, The Rock or Brock Lesnar could have been used as better examples of wrestlers with multi-sport supremacy? However, I kept coming back to Randy “Macho Man” Poffo. Unbeknownst to many, he played in the minors for the St. Louis Cardinals, Chicago White Sox and Cincinnati Reds, reaching his baseball zenith in 1974 for the Single A Tampa Tarpons, where he knocked in 66 RBIs while playing DH, OF, 1B and C. Maybe the most amazing fact from his baseball career is that he tore muscles and ligaments in his throwing shoulder in ‘73, then taught himself how to throw left-handed and returned to baseball the next year. The injury limited his effectiveness and effectively ended his pro baseball dream, but his perseverance and dedication continued as he became one of the most popular and beloved pro wrestlers of all-time. Oh yeah! The Macho Man is number 10, barely beating out Brian Jordan.
Bonus points were awarded thanks to this.
9) Roy Jones Jr. - Boxing/Basketball
Roy’s athletic career is definitely in its twilight, but at its peak, RJJ was one of the most dynamic and electrifying athletes ever. The 1990s Boxer of the Decade, Roy has won eight world titles in four weight classes, became the first fighter to start his career as a junior middleweight and win a heavyweight title and should have won a Gold medal at the 1988 Seoul Olympics (he was robbed by a corrupt judge and settled for the Silver). Anyone who watched him fight in his peak knows he had incomparable hand speed, foot speed and punching power. If you doubt his skills, ask Montell Griffin. Jones cemented his multi-sport legacy in 1996 when he became the first athlete to participate in a pro basketball game and a pro fight in the same day, scoring five points playing in the USBL in the afternoon and knocking out Eric Lucas to retain his Super Middleweight title later that night. At 5′11″, Roy probably didn’t have the height to play in the NBA, but he is the only man to complete such an epic feat, earning him the 9th spot on this list.
Roy also got bonus points. For this.
8) Antonio Gates - Basketball/Football
My first exposure to Antonio Gates was not as the San Diego Chargers future Hall of Fame tight end. Before he terrorized defenses in the NFL, Gates terrorized the paint playing Div. 1 college basketball for Kent State. Antonio was no bench-warmer at Kent State, leading the Golden Flashes to a MAC Championship and the Elite 8 as a junior and being named a Honorable Mention All-American as a senior. His stats during college are impressive, averaging 16.5 ppg, 7.8 rpg, 1.2 spg and shooting better than 30% from 3 for his career. Since scouts considered him too short to play in the NBA, the 6′4″ Gates arranged an NFL tryout. The Chargers signed him as an undrafted free agent and he has been one of the NFL’s best tight ends ever since. He is now a five-time Pro Bowler, has over 50 career TD catches and his current trajectory will probably end with him being enshrined in Canton as a NFL Hall of Famer. If he was 3-4 inches taller, Antonio might be on a similar trajectory in the NBA. To be such an impressive NFL player in the modern game without playing college football is absolutely incredible. Tight end prototype and former NCAA power forward Tony Gonzalez almost took this spot (and not just because he has a hot wife). Tony can ball, but he wasn’t the best player on his Cal basketball teams. Gates was. Throw in the fact that Gates lept to the NFL without the seasoning and football maturation of college ball and the arguments over.
7) Charlie Ward – Football/Basketball/Baseball
For those of you that only know Charlie from his career as an above-average journeyman NBA point guard, you might be surprised to see him on this list. Don’t be. Ward played basketball at Florida State, leading the Seminoles to the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 in back-to-back years and eventually breaking the school record for steals. But he also was the quarterback for the football team… and he won the friggin’ Heisman trophy. Not only was he named the best player in college football, but he also led FSU to a National Championship in 1993. Seriously. He is deservedly in the College Football Hall of Fame and was even offered a contract to back-up Joe Montana with the Kansas City Chiefs. He declined to play for the Knicks. On top if it all, he was drafted as a Shortstop/Outfielder by both the Milwaukee Brewers and New York Yankees, even though he hadn’t played baseball since high school. Didn’t excel as a pro, but was one of the best all-around athletes ever and is the only dude ever to win the Heisman and play in the NBA.
6) Jackie Robinson - Baseball/Football
While Jackie is best known for breaking down baseball’s colour barrier in 1947 and being one of the greatest players in baseball history, baseball was actually once considered his worst sport. At UCLA, Jackie lettered in four sports: football, basketball, track and baseball. In fact, he is the only athlete in UCLA history to accomplish such a feat. He showed his greatest promise in football. Jackie was named All-Pac 10 while at UCLA, lead the nation in kick return yardage, led the Bruins in rushing and passing yards and eventually played semi-pro for the Los Angeles Bulldogs of the Pacific Coast Football League. After the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbour, Jackie was forced into military service, which cut short his football career. After the war he began to concentrate on baseball and after winning MLB’s inaugural Rookie of the Year award in 1947, Jackie’s career blossomed. He was a six-time All-Star, won the MVP in ‘49 and a World Series title in ‘55. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1962 and his jersey number 42 was retired by all MLB teams in 1997. More accolades continued posthumously, as he was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal. He might have been the most influential athlete on this list from a cultural perspective, but his athletic merits alone would put him on top of any self-respecting “Greatest Athlete” list.
Click to continue reading the Top 5
Filed under: Comedy, Hip-hop, Music, Videos | Tags: awful video, Major Lazer, PeeWee's Playhouse, Ponce De Floor, terrible song
Holy shit. I was reading the always hilarious Hot Chicks With Douchebags blog when I stumbled upon this monstrosity. Here is the quote they used to entice readers to click the link:
PeeWee’s Playhouse just got weird once they adapted it for B.E.T.
The headline alone let me know it was something worth clicking, yet my eyes nor my ears were prepared for the blitzkrieg they were about to deal with. This song is awful and the video might even be worse. My brain is a jumbled mess after watching so I can’t even tell.
Please help.
Filed under: Comedy, Movies, Music, NBA, Sports | Tags: Cleveland Cavs, Eye of the Tiger, Phoenix Suns, pre game intro, retro, The Warriors
“Pheeeonix. Come out and play.”
I saw this on The Score tonight and couldn’t believe it. Great tribute to The Warriors, a great film, and you can’t miss with Eye of the Tiger. Varejao and Ilgauskas also rated high on the comedy scale. Combine that with some slick retro jerseys and a win over the Suns, and it was a good day to be a Cavs fan.
Shaq really loves his Cyrus. Don’t forget, this isn’t The Big Replicators first crack at “Can you diggg it!!”
Filed under: Movies, Sports | Tags: 1995, Apartheid, Clint Eastwood, Francois Pienaar, Jonah Lomu, Matt Damon, Morgan Freeman, Nelson Mandela, Rugby World Cup, South Africa
The latest film by legendary tough guy/director supreme Clint Eastwood, entitled Invictus, is a biopic about Nelson Mandela and his role in South Africa’s epic triumph at the 1995 Rugby World Cup. It delves into Mandela’s life after he was released from Robbin penitentiary, his rise to become President and his role as master motivator for the South African Springbok rugby team as they overcame the odds and won the world’s 3rd largest sporting event (after the World Cup and Summer Olympics).
The film stars Morgan Freeman as Mandela, Matt Damon as Springbok captain Francois Pienaar and Zak Feaunati as New Zealand All Black ubermutant, Jonah Lomu. I can’t wait for this flick, given my memories of this remarkable sporting event, the social ramifications of the victory and Eastwood’s track record as a compelling and gifted director. Should be great stuff. Damon even sounds like he nailed the Saffer accent.
The Springboks were heavy underdogs in the tournament, and faced off against a legendary New Zealand squad that featured explosive winger Jonah Lomu. Lomu was ahead of his time, a 6′5″ monster who could run a sub 4.4 40m and would knock would be defenders aside like they were bowling pins. He was even offered a contract to play in the NFL for the Dallas Cowboys after his performance at the World Cup. Sadly, a rare kidney disease cut his career (and almost his life) short. Don’t know Jonah Lomu? Now you know…
