Filed under: Comedy, NFL, Sports, Television | Tags: Best QB Ever, commercials, MVP, NFL, Peyton Manning, Super Bowl
With the Super Bowl mere hours away, I have decided to go a little Nostradamas and predict that Peyton Manning will lead the Colts to their second Super Bowl in four years. I know, it’s not exactly picking Buster Douglas to knock out Iron Mike, but how could you ever bet against the laser, rocket arm of #18?
And on this holiest day of commercials, doesn’t it make karmic sense that the football player who holds the all-time record for commercial appearances elevates his game to another level in hopes of a coveted Disneyworld spot and a new deal to replace Tiger Woods in those stupid Gillette ads with Roger Federer and Derek Jeter? I think so.
In honour of Peyton’s inevitable Super Bowl MVP, Rhymin & Stealin takes a look at the Top 5 Peyton Manning Commercials:
5) Gatorade – “Peyton Manning Action Toy”
This one is worth it just for the awesome ’80s style cartoon action song. “Playing all day, yeeeaah!”. This probably isn’t the 5th best Peyton commercial, but I didn’t want the list to just be MasterCard and Sprint ads. This can claim the fifth spot almost on wackiness alone.
4) ESPN – “Peyton picking on Eli”
Peyton and Eli are commercial gold when together (see #3 on this list). The look they both give Archie when he shoots them a disapproving glance and Peyton’s final heel kick make this a gem, especially when you can tell Peyton really kicked Eli good. That’s the type of commercial realism that can only happen when you cast actual siblings.
3) Oreo – “Mannings vs. Trumps”
Eli is back, and the Super Manning Bros. are joined by The Donald and his doppleganger, Darrell Hammond in a battle of the DSRL (Double Stuff Racing League). This is one of the funniest Manning commercials, with Peyton busting out some classic one-liners (and getting hit with a great “Johnny Touchdown” blast from Hammond). I lost it when I first heard Peyton growl “How’s that feel… Donnie?”. This commercial is hot off the press and it shows that #18 is not losing any comedic steam.
2) Sprint – “Laser Rocket Arm”
The wig and the fake moustcahe would have been enough. But the line “If you like 6′5″, 230 lbs. quarterback’s with a laser, rocket arm” is pure gold. An absolute classic.
Sprint also had another cool Peyton commercial, “Manning’s Mind”.
1) MasterCard – “Supporting Your Team”
Most of Peyton’s best commercial work has been for MasterCard. He had his Priceless Pep Talks, World MasterCard and a myriad of other Priceless gems. But the “Supporting Your Team” series are the best. The squeal of the barista and Peyton telling him to “rub some dirt on it”, along with Peyton’s encouragement to the movers (“They’re not yelling ‘Boo’, they’re yelling ‘Moo-vers’”) launch this into the pantheon of great athlete commercials. View the two other commercials in this series here and here.
Filed under: Movies, Reviews | Tags: 2, Apollo Creed, Review, Rocky, Sylvester Stallone
A while back I ended up watching Rocky 2 on TV. It had been a long time since I had seen it, so I figured what the hell. If you ever intend on watching the movie, you probably shouldn’t read this because I’m about to give away the whole thing.
I’ve seen all the Rocky movies, some of them multiple times, but Rocky 2 was the only one that I really didn’t have any recollection of. Rocky is a classic, possibly the best sports movie of all time. Rocky 3 has Mr. T and the homo-erotic beach training scene. Rocky 4 has Drago. But, Rocky 2 really wasn’t memorable for any reason whatsoever.
In our modern age, Rocky’s underdog triumph of the will would make him uber-famous overnight a la Susan Boyle. But, unfortunately for our hero, this was the 80’s, pre-internet. So, when we meet up with him, he’s back down in the dumps, scraping by working a dead end factory job. Oh, and did I mention that his wife, Adrian, is also pregnant. Oh, and did I mention he can’t fight anymore? Yeah, it seems that Apollo did some damage to Rocky’s eye and now the doctor says he must quit boxing or risk going blind. Adrian reminds him of this pretty much every time she comes on screen. I wonder what he will do?
Meanwhile, in spite of emerging victorious, Apollo is all torn up about the fight with the Stallion. The people think he lost and he must silence his critics. He desperately wants a rematch, but Rocky is nowhere to be found. Naturally Creed thinks Rocky is ducking him, but that’s not the case, is it Adrian?
The movie pretty much continues on like this for the next little while. Things get worse and worse for Rocky and Adrian, Rocky loses his job, Rocky sells his car, Rocky loses his locker at Mickey’s gym, Rocky and Adrian argue over whether or not Rocky should fight, blahblahblah.
At this point a now desperate Creed decides his only course of action is to call Rocky out publicly, lure him out of his seclusion. Rocky, incensed by Creed’s tactics and eager to get back in the ring drops one of the best lines ever on Adrian, “Adrian, I never asked you to stop being a woman…. Please, don’t ask me to stop being a man”, at which point Mickey shows up and to the surprise of no-one Rocky decides to fight.
Mickey comes up with some pea-brain plan that Rocky should fight Orthodox rather than Southpaw and the training starts. Predictably, Apollo looks great and Rocky looks as though he completely forgot how to skip rope or punch over the course of a couple months. Amazingly, this isn’t the only time during the series he will experience this inexplicable phenomenon.
Then a pivotal scene! Tragedy strikes. It seems the combination of lifting some heavy stuff at the pet store, being pregnant and arguing with Rocky and her brother, Paulie, is just too much for Adrian to handle and she slips into a coma. Yeah, that’s right… a coma! This aint no in and out sort of deal either, she’s in it for the long haul. This scene is pivotal to the entire Rocky series. Up until this point the series had attempted to be serious drama, but after Adrian falls into the coma, the unintentional comedy is so abundant that there was really no turning back.
With his wife in a coma, Rocky is too distraught to train and spends every moment at Adrian’s bed-side. Rocky reads to Adrian and writes poetry, all at about a grade one level. Rocky’s poetry was so inspiring that Adrian wakes from her coma and with her blessing, the training is back on. Watch the entire coma scene here, if you think you can stomach it.
From this point on it’s basically the same as Rocky 1, except the outcome of the fight is different. The training scene is exactly the same. Once you’ve seen all the Rocky movies, one thing really sticks with you… it’s shocking how many times Sylvester Stallone went back to the well. Every Rocky movie has a training scene and they are all essentially the same. In every successive movie, Rocky is broken down further and further, so that the outcome is that much more fulfilling to us the viewers. In some ways Rocky 2 is a lot like Evil Dead 2. Only in the case of Evil Dead 2, the comedy was intentional. However, I will say this… Although it is probably the most forgettable of the early Rocky movies, it may just be the most important to the entire series. By introducing the over the top cheese element that was lacking in the first Rocky, Rocky 2 paved the way for all the later cheese in the series that we would all come to love.
Filed under: Movies, Music | Tags: B-Side, Bill Withers, Bill Withers movie, Lean on Me, Living Legends, Still Bill
Everyone knows Bill Wither’s “Lean On Me”. It’s an absolute classic track and one of only nine songs to reach #1 twice, recorded by two different artists. Mr. Withers is the creative genius behind such powerful songwriting, yet he is rarely mentioned among the all-time greats from the ’70s. The reason for his lack of spotlight is definitely not due to lack of quality songs, as Bill is also the muse behind gems such as “Ain’t No Sunshine”, “Use Me”, “Grandma’s Hands” and “Lovely Day”. The true reason has more to do with the man himself. Bill has always been skeptical of the fleeting nature of fame, even refusing to quit his menial job after recording “Ain’t No Sunshine” because he didn’t trust the music industry. This aversion to the limelight led Bill to walk away from recording all together in 1985 after his last studio album, which shortened his professional music window to just 15 years. Yet his brief and unorthodox career continues to live on…
Sampled by everyone from Kanye West to Cunninlynguists to The Fresh Prince to Teddy Riley, Withers has been embraced by crate diggers and hip-hop heads for his classic sound and unrivaled realness. His songs are from the soul, they tell real-life stories and are always expertly crafted. Bill has always been hailed as one of his generations best songwriters. But finally, for all the gifts this man has given the world of music, someone has decided to take a detailed look into his life and mind and shine the light back onto one of the true living legends.
The good folks at B-Side released “Still Bill” in 2009, and it features amazing footage, photos and interviews with the man himself, his family and friends and other artists such as Sting and Angelique Kidjo. If you live in the NYC, you can check it out at the IFC Center. If you aren’t in the big apple, you can pre-order the DVD, which is slated to drop sometime in the Spring.
With the recent loss of Teddy Pendergrass, there are only so many great voices from the ’60s and ’70s still around. Let’s not wait for them all to pass before we give them thanks for their amazing gifts and celebrate their influential careers. Bill Withers is definitely “Still Bill”, and any fan of the man, his music or his era would be slipping hard if they missed this flick.
Filed under: Clips, Hip-hop, Music, Nerds, Toys/Figures | Tags: 36 chambers, Da Mystery of Chessboxin, lego, Wu-Tang Clan
Ever wondered what the classic Wu-Tang Mystery of Chessboxin’ video would look like if it was given the lego treatment? Well thanks to some cat named Davo you needn’t wonder any longer. I thought the endless puzzles in lego Batman were time consuming enough but damn!
Filed under: NFL, Sports | Tags: fat, Terrence Cody, NFL Draft, Andre Smith, 370 pounds, Alabama Crimson Tide, Senior Bowl
Now, I am not normally one to make fun of fat people (except for the ones you spot at buffets, that’s comedy). But Terrence Cody is ridiculous. Cody weighed in at a mind-numbing 370 lbs. at the Senior Bowl and he might have looked even worse.
Dude, you want to play in the NFL. The NFL. The one sport league in the world with the absolute biggest, strongest and fastest athletes. Ease up on the Mickey D’s and mix it up with bike ride or a jog once and awhile. How many NFL players have a body that looks as soft as Cody’s? You can probably count them on one hand. And with the death of Gaines Adams and other recent NFL tragedies, isn’t it about time someone asked if having 350+ lbs. dudes playing football is really a good and safe idea? Most people over 300 lbs. would drop dead if they had to run to the corner, let alone play in the NFL.
Cody is a 2x AP All-American at Nose Tackle and is touted as a high-level pro prospect. But does this look like a guy who will be ready for summer practices in 7 months?
Looks like Cody is this year’s Andre Smith. Or maybe he could go the Star Jones route and become a DB?
Filed under: Comedy, NCAA, Sports | Tags: Danger Zone, Hockey, Nanooks, Polar Bear, pre game intro, Top Gun, UAF, University of Alaska-Fairbanks
Wow. This is the pregame scoreboard introduction used by the University of Alaska-Fairbanks Nanooks hockey team for the 2009-10 season. It is absolutely, undeniably, and definitively the greatest pre-game video I have ever seen for any sport. Let me count the ways of awesomeness:
- The MJ Bulls pregame music during the “giant polar bear breaks free from glacier with lightning eyes” scene
- The two handed clap that produces the magic hockey stick, which is promptly used to split the doomed “Seawolf”
- The Top Gun “Danger Zone” scene where the bears bomb The U, Ohio State and Michigan State
- The bombing of a volcano (which triggers the destruction of Earth)
- The bear’s weird journey through space, time and some sort of portal to arrive, on ice, at the Carlson Center
- A devastating slap shot by the bear that explodes the friggin’ net and triggers “Enter Sandman”
Incredible. This is a 6-tool pre-game video. 6 incredible elements, working together in animated harmony. Big big ups to the UAF for this one. It was produced and edited by Mike Martinez and the visual effects were done up by HiFi 3D.
And if you were wondering why the team is called the Nanooks but are represented by a Polar Bear, the answer is right here.
Thanks to Koots for this one. Incredible find.
Filed under: Hip-hop, Movies, Music | Tags: Artistic expression, Copyright Criminals, Copyright law, DJ Q-Bert, Mixmaster Mike, PBS, sampling in hip-hop, The Funky Drummer
Every hip-hop head knows James Brown’s “The Funky Drummer”. You had heard the drum countless times, in various forms, before you ever even realized it was the Godfather of Soul. De La Soul’s “Oodles of O’s”, Eazy-E’s “We Want Eazy”, Ice T’s “Original Gangster” and even Kris Kross’ “Jump” all sampled from the classic track (amongst others), yet that would never be evident to the layman. Such is the beauty of sampling, and one of the biggest arguments for its validity as a form of authentic musical expression.
The movie Copyright Criminals, which will be televised tonight on PBS and available on DVD January 26th, takes an in-depth look at the magic of sampling, the musicianship behind manipulating and recreating a sample and the history of the sample in popular music. According the movie’s website:
Copyright Criminals examines the creative and commercial value of musical sampling, including the related debates over artistic expression, copyright law, and (of course) money.
With insight from hip-hop legends such as Chuck D, Mixmaster Mike, Q Bert, El-P, Shock G and Pete Rock, this movie is bound to shed light on one of hip-hop’s most powerful tools. Hopefully, it will also clear misconceptions for those of you who don’t see the validity or creativity in producing a beat using sampled snippets of other works.
I have always felt sampling was one of the most creative forms of musical expression and marvel at the musical genius of producers like Kno, DJ Premier, Ant, Dr. Dre and The RZA who are able to take a song or break and bring it to life again, only better, stronger and more developed. As if the sample is a caterpillar and the finished beat is a butterfly.
It’s not like groundbreaking artists such as The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Elvis Presley didn’t effectively sample from the artists they were listening too. Yet they are considered three of the most influential artists of all-time. Just listen to Willie Dixon’s “You Need Love” and then listen to Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love”. “You Need Love” samples can be heard throughout Zep’s popular version. Did Led Zep steal Willie’s song or did they just want to infuse the spirit of it within their own track to create an even better song that paid homage to their vital influences?
So now you know where R&S stands on the sampling issue. We love it. What say you?
Filed under: T of the Month, Television | Tags: Conan O'Brien, I'm with coco, Jay Leno, rally, t-shirt, Tonight Show
As the Tonight Show moves into its last week with Conan O’Brien as host, Busted Tees has released this awesome shirt in support of the world’s favourite ginger.
Pledge your support for Coco, the best late night man of our generation, by rocking this tee or signing up for the facebook group in conjunction with the Jan. 18 “I’m with Coco” rally in Chicago.
Filed under: Hip-hop, Music | Tags: 306, LeVar Burton, Martin Luther King Day, MLK, MLK Tribute, Random, Stevie Wonder
Good morning everyone. Enjoy the day, and don’t lose sight of the memory and sacrifice of one of the greatest people the world has ever seen. Dr. Martin Luther King was an inspirational activist, orator, preacher and father who gave so much to help so many. Give thanks for his good works and keep the spirit of MLK alive today as you go about your daily business.
By the way, this video is courtesy of R&S favourite Raheem “Random” Jarbo and his dynamite MLK tribute track “306″ (the room number at the Lorraine Hotel in Memphis where the Dr. was shot and killed). Great tribute from a great artist.
And check out this MLK vid featuring none other than Stevie Wonder and LeVar Burton!
Filed under: Comedy, Hip-hop, Music, Television | Tags: DJ Pauly D, Dorrough, Ice Cream Paint Job, Jersey Shore Guys Dancing, JWoww, Ronnie, The SItuation, Vinnie
I will be the first to admit that I love the Jersey Shore. Can’t miss television. Check this video of the Jersey Shore proto-guidos, Vinnie, DJ Pauly D, Ronnie and The Situation, getting their gangsta groove on while dancing and Jerzing out to some terrible rap music courtesy of some cat named Dorrough. Much like the show, it’s hard to look away. And don’t forget about JWoww.
Is it just me, but are Ronnie and Vinnie both genuinely funny guys?
Filed under: Music | Tags: colon cancer, Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes, R.I.P., Teddy Pendergrass
Sad day in the world of music, as former Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes lead singer Teddy Pendergrass passed away last night at the age of 59. Teddy Bear had recently undergone surgery to combat his colon cancer and it appears he succumbed to complications from that.
Although best known for his smooth and sensual vocals and helping to discover Whitney Houston, Teddy was also an inspiration for those with disabilities, as he had been paralyzed from the waist down after suffering injuries during an auto accident back in 1982.
Teddy was a pioneer of Soul and R&B music and had one of the great voices of all-time. He will be sadly missed.
Filed under: Hip-hop, Movies, Music, Videos | Tags: Lupe Fiasco, Rap-Rock, Solar Midnite, Twilight: New Moon soundtrack, Vampires, Werewolves
I try to avoid anything with the Twilight taint like the plague, but I stumbled upon this video over on the great blog for Profound Aesthetics and got sucked in. The video is for Lupe Fiasco’s newest track, “Solar Midnite”, which is from the Twilight: New Moon Soundtrack. While a new Lupe song is always cause for celebration, this particular track is different. Lupe gets his rock on. Don’t worry, you can forget any thoughts you just had of Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park. This is some Rap-Rock that is actually good.
Lupe had this to say about the track:
“Solar Midnite is my first commercial release that I actually produced as well as wrote. The New Moon team asked me if I could do a song specifically for the film. They invited me to an early screening of the unfinished film from which I pulled different elements that I thought would translate into a great song. I pulled in vocalist and bassist Graham Burris and acclaimed musician Matt Nelson to help fill it out my vision musically and “joila” Solar Midnite was born. The song basically deals with the chaotic love story that takes place between the characters. It’s more on the rock side of my musical catalog and comes straight from my die hard fanhood of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Anthony Keidis, one of my FAVORITE RAPPERS.”
I know this track has been out for awhile, and 16 year-old girls everywhere have undoubtedly already played this song out while fantasizing about forbidden vampire love, but I still felt it was worth a share, especially if you are like me and run the other way when anyone mentions the T word. And go check out Profound Aesthetics when you’ve got time. They run a great blog and produce some amazing t-shirts. Don’t sleep.
Filed under: Hip-hop, Music, Videos | Tags: Let There Be Horns, Minotaur music video, RJ's Electrical Connections, RJD2, The Colossus
Former Def Jux beat wizard RJD2 is coming out with a new album, The Colossus, on January 19th. In true RJ style there is an insane video, directed by Thom Glunt. “Let There Be Horns” gives us a glimpse into the life of a love-lorn Minotaur as he deals with modern society and its pressures. Hilarious. Ramble John himself makes an appearence at the end as the antique shopkeeper and instigator of Mino’s “bull in a china shop” rage. Such a good video, totally works in sync with the song and funny to boot.
Can’t wait for this album. The Third Hand wasn’t very good, although the instrumental version was alright, but from this video and the first leaked single, “Games You Can Win”, I am all aboard for The Colossus. Deadringer and The Horror, his stuff with Soul Position and Aceyalone and his various other side jobs are all excellent, and a return to form is a good sign for the coming decade in music.
Check out this serious quote from RJ, describing the mindset that is fueling his return to musical prominence:
“I have been SERIOUSLY busy in the last 2 years; and very little of it has to do with twittering. At the risk of sounding all corny, I feel the need to say something that’s important to me: I’ve realized recently that I do music, make records, LISTEN to records, tour, and generally hole myself up in the studio because I love it, not cause its my job. Its become as natural as breathing, and keeps me sane-most of the time. Im much more concerned with making a timeless record, than with how to sell a record nowadays. Also, if you don’t see me posting left and right on whatever the most current social networking site is, its not cause I don’t like being social, its cause I feel like our time on earth is very very short, and that the most I have to offer this planet in my little window of time here is through the vessel of music. I would rather leave behind something you can hopefully use a little more than an update on my belly button lint. Hopefully, a catalog that speaks more volumes than all the blogs I could possibly write in a hundred years.” from Plug One
Umm, well, I’m gonna go check my Twitter after I finish this blog post. Don’t think RJ would approve of my social media time wasting. But seriously, if I was as musically gifted as him I probably wouldn’t be blogging and tweeting as much anyways. Touché.
If you order the album from his website you can get all sorts of different versions, nothing quite as pimp as the Limited Edition package, of which only 100 were made. It runs $159.99, but you pretty much get RJ’s entire catalog, all slickly packaged and extremely limited, plus more. If I didn’t already have all his albums I’d be getting it for sure.
Big up to Okayplayer for the drop on this video. If you aren’t checking the site that Quest built for the latest hip-hop news, reviews, interviews and merch, you need to check yourself. 10 years in the web game and always coming strong.
Filed under: Canada, NFL, Olympics, Sports | Tags: Curling, San Francisco Curling Club, USA curling, Vancouver Olympics, Vernon Davis
With the Winter Olympic Games about to touch down in Rhymin & Stealin’s backyard, this particular story caught our attention. 49er’s All-Pro Tight End Vernon Davis, fresh off a record-tying 13 TD season, is heading to Vancouver as part of the US Olympic Team. In November, VD tried his hand at Canada’s unofficial national sport and immediately fell in love. So much so that he filmed a bunch of PSAs for the San Fran Curling Club (can’t find them on the Internet yet, will post when they are available) and has been named the Honourary Captain for USA Curling. Vernon will accompany the team to Van City and take in the whole Olympic experience.
This brought up a question. Is Vernon Davis the first black curler? I feel like he is, or is at least one of a few. He’s like the Jackie Robinson of curling. Congrats Vernon, we’ll keep an eye out for you (and Stephen Colbert) in Vancouver.
Filed under: Comedy, Movies, Television | Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger Commercials, Great Wall of China, Japanese Commercial, Tommy Lee Jones
I had no idea that TLJ was such an accomplished builder. Also good to see he can still get paying work after “Man of the House“.
Spotted at BoingBoing
But seriously, is there any type of commercial better than a Japanese celebrity commercial? I think not.
Exhibit A: Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Filed under: Comedy, Music, NFL, Sports | Tags: DJ Steve Porter, Funniest Web Videos, NFL Coaches Remix, NFL Playoffs
Steve Porter, the maestro behind countless YouTube remixes, has outdone himself with this absolute gem. This is one of the best videos I have ever seen. Jim Mora (Colts and Saints), Ditka, Bobby Ross, Jim Fassell, Buddy Ryan, Bill Parcells, Dennis Green, Mike Singletary and, of course, Herm Edwards all make an appearance, lending their legendary rants and press conferences to a funky song. I hate AutoTune as much as the next guy, but it adds an extra layer of hilarity to this track. I can’t pinpoint a favourite part, but the Mora Saints “You Don’t Know”, Buddy Ryan and Bobby Ross all had me losing my mind. This is bound to go into my Hall of YouTube Legends, along with Home Shopping Network Ladder Fail, Prison Inmate Thriller, and Lions vs. Buffaloes vs. Crocodiles.
I’ve watched this 4 times in a row. It’s so good.
Filed under: NBA, Sick Highlights, Sports | Tags: basketball, Best Slam Dunks Ever, Slam Dunk Contest
Happy New Years good people. The 100 best dunks that didn’t happen on a NBA court. Lots of dunk contest footage showcasing squirrel-monkey agility. Sit back and enjoy these insane jams as you nurse your hangover.
Via Slam Magazine.
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: Don Nelson, drunk, New Year's Eve
Rhymin & Stealin and Don Nelson wish all of you a safe, happy and drunk New Year’s!
photo from Takin Out Larry’s and Drunk Athlete.
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: All-Star Game, highlights, lowlights, Steve Nash, Vote for Steve Nash, voting
Some NBA players feel they have to pimp themselves out to make an all-star game, posturing for votes and cluttering the Internet with videos, websites and tweets begging people to vote them in to the season’s biggest exhibition game. Steve Nash, as usual, has decided to take a different approach. Instead of compiling clips of his various highlights (of which their are many), Steve went with some low-lights, using his self-deprecating humour to poke a little fun at all-star grandstanding.
Love the clip at the end, with him getting dunked on by Kobe repeatedly. How many NBA players would post a similar highlight on their own site? Not many. Nash is the truth.
Filed under: Television | Tags: 100 Greatest Quotes, Baltimore, Best TV Show of the Decade, David Simon, The Wire
The ’00s had some great TV shows (Mad Men, Sopranos, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm to name a few), but for me one show stood head and shoulders above them all. HBO’s The Wire, which was created by former Baltimore police reporter David Simon, took an in-depth and true-to-life look at the inner city struggle of one of America’s most notorious cities, Baltimore, Maryland. With hyper-realism, an unbelievable job of casting and some of the best writing television has ever seen, The Wire became an instant cult favourite. Anyone who has watched all 5 seasons knows it is all that is good when it comes to TV. For those that slept, use some of those Christmas dollars to pick up the entire series on DVD for only $150.
As Senator Clay Davis would say, “Sheeeeeit“.
Filed under: NBA, Sports | Tags: Carl Landry, Dirk Nowitzki, lost teeth, NBA, toughness, wacky injuries
In tonight’s Mavs-Rockets game, Dirk Nowitzki took it hard to the rim and his elbow spanked Carl Landry in the grill. Landry went down with 5 lost teeth and one of those teeth was embedded in Dirk’s elbow! Dirk had a foul shot to take, so naturally he knocked it down – left handed. He left the game after and the Mavs lost in OT. Here’s an update on Landry and his missing chiclets. Dirk got 3 stitches and a $1 from the tooth fairy.
Filed under: NBA, Sports | Tags: advice, basketball, blocks, Dr. James Naismith, Dwight Howard, time machine
The R&S sleuths have made a startling discovery and intercepted a letter from the long deceased Dr. James Naismith, inventor of basketball, addressed to the man-child Dwight Howard. I guess Doc Naismith hooked up with Doc Brown and his Delorean, because he came to the present time, dissected Dwight’s game and then decided to share his opinion on how Dwight could change his defensive style and revolutionize basketball in the process. Here’s the letter from Naismith to Superman 2.0:
Dear Master Dwight Howard,
Today, as I was perusing the daily sports newsreel, I came across a collection of highlights which bamboozled my Basket Ball intellect. These highlights I speak of showed you aggressively and wantonly swatting opposing field goal attempts into the realm of the paying spectators. While physically impressive, I fear it to be cruelly misconstrued.
You may be aware that I invented the game of Basket Ball using very modest means in a mere 14 days. And while I know that my game has evolved over the years to include such unbridled displays of athleticism as the alley-opp, no-look pass and cross-over dribble, I am troubled by your consistent desire to squander your physical gifts and reward the opposing team every time you block their wayward attempts at the goal. After careful contemplation over a mug of sarsaparilla, I believe I have just the tonic to cure your malady.
The next time a panicked opponent fails to acknowledge your presence in the painted area and attempts an ill-advised shot, you should leap to the heavens as is your custom and clutch said shot attempt with both hands, therefore retaining possession for your team and more appropriately punishing your opponent. Think of the rewards for you and your fellow teammates if you gained possession of the ball from every such instance. You may reference the great Bill Russell of the Boston Celtics basketball club for copious examples of this stratagem, as he was a master of this defensive mastery for which you have all the physical tools to equal and surpass.
I would wish you to have the satisfaction of becoming the most imposing force in the glorious history of my favorite past-time and therefore have decided to share my insight with you in this formal manner. I marvel at the power of your still burgeoning skills and only wish that you reach your potential while helping to transform the way defense is played in modern Basket Ball. Please consider my modest advice.
Yours respectfully,
Dr. James Naismith
Filed under: NFL, Sports | Tags: accident, Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals, dead, NFL, R.I.P.
It’s a sad day in the world of sports, specifically the NFL. The worst fears of the Cincinnati Bengals and the family of Chris Henry have been realized. The Bengals wide receiver passed away this morning as a result of the serious head trauma he suffered in yesterday’s tragic truck accident.
While Chris Henry was most known for some brushes with the law and incurring the wrath of Commissioner Goodell in his younger days, he had made remarkable progress and appeared to be living a far more productive and positive life.
Henry’s NFL legacy includes 119 career catches and 21 touchdowns.
R.I.P.
Filed under: Comedy, Gear, Images, Sports | Tags: fad, fashion show, retro, slideshow, terrible fashion, workout pants, zebra print, Zubaz
Seriously, with hipsters rocking fanny packs, wolf t-shirts, skinny jeans and frogskins, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if I see a hipster bike past me this spring on a 10 speed rocking some Zubaz. Believe it… one of the late ’80s – early ’90s most reviled fashion fads is back. I would have preferred a return of the half-hoop shoe, half-light brite LA Gear’s, but Zubaz will do.
Most famous for a brief stint as officially licensed NFL gear and being the favourite pants of the Legion of Doom, Zubaz were started in the Midwestern US in the late ’80s. Originally intended for gym monkeys who needed maximum crotch room and no doubt inspired by MC Hammer, the distinct Zubaz pattern became a beacon for low-enders everywhere. And just like herpes, they have returned.
If you want, you can buy your Zubaz straight from the source at Zubaz.com. But before you go ahead and decide to ruin somebody’s Christmas, watch this Zubaz fashion show.
